Below are the 12 most recent journal entries recorded in pdxdavid's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, July 26th, 2006
2:11 am	Chasing Waterfalls There are two things that I see a lot of in my life and in my reflections on relationships I've been in. They are bridges and waterfalls. I'm a bridge. I say this, not because I lay down and let people walk all over me, quite the opposite really, but because I see myself as someone who attempts to move across gaps. I also like to have a clear beginning and end, though those beginning and ends always matter on which way I'm going. However, the flow is predictable. People have few options in which to go, just as I do. It isn't that I CAN'T go other places, I just find comfort in having the end in sight and knowing where I'm heading. I prefer a road or a trail to the open asphalt/pavement. I also often feel that I'm quite a bit above rivers, which lead to waterfalls. Deep down though, I really wish I was a waterfall. Waterfalls are people who come from rivers. At the expense of sounding incredibly cliche, they are people who just go with the flow. They don't really know what happens around that next bend, but the magic is that they don't really care. Everything will be taken in stride. These people, though, are at their best when they come to the cliff and jump. They transform from rivers to waterfalls. By that, I mean that they start really living. They experience the fall. The ups and the downs. Life isn't mundane and systematic but incredibly hazardous and turbulent. These are the kind of people I'm often attracted to. Not bridges. One of my most prominate relationships was with a girl named Nichole. She was a waterfall in the truest sense of the word. She didn't graduate high school. She smokes. She swears. She has tattoos. She is a shitty person by all of my standards, yet I was so in love with her. My mom would always ask me why it is that I would hold other people to certain standards, then let Nichole break all of them. I never really knew why, and at times, resented her for even asking the question. You can't hold a waterfall to standards. They are what they are; always changing and immensely powerful. I definately look down upon Nic for not doing all of these things that I think should be important (read: society tells me are important), yet I will forever be amazed at her ability to just not care. I'm excellent at being apathetic, but normally it is about all of those fringe things. I don't care about what color of bridge that I am; simply that I remain one. The reason, of course, that I like these crazy girls is because I have the impossibility of wrapping my head around them, yet the insane curiosity and will to do so. I'm so incredibly logical that I try and apply my logic to them and there is something incredibly fulfilling about trying to fit square blocks in to circle holes. As I grow as a person, though, I'm learning these things about myself. I'm learning that my logic won't apply. It doesn't stop me from trying, but when I fail, I get less and less frustrated each time. I'm even able to look at the beauty of these people. Bridges are things that are needed. We couldn't move around too well without them. Waterfalls aren't needed, but without them, the world would be a much uglier place. They give things character. What I'm interested is a waterfall who can tolerate a bridge around, even if it means I gawk in amazement. The two of them together is the best combination, I feel. I honestly believe that things like marriage, to me, is the connection of two souls. Not that they are being put together to create a new, unified soul, but that they become infinately connected and intertwined, though still growing individually, yet supporting each other. I continously, conscientiously think about what type of mate is good for me because it is incredibly important to me. With that being said, I again feel that the two in complement is the best combination; for me at least. One keeps goals in order and focus, while the other makes sure that the journey to those goals jumps off of that bridge at times. My mind ties a rope to it though. David (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 13th, 2006
2:16 pm	Tag! Your it! Once you've been tagged, you have to write a blog with weird facts/things/habits about yourself, saying who tagged you (jutterbug). In the end you need to choose the people to be tagged and list their names. No tag back 1. I hate chewing noises. Gum is ok, but if I have to sit in a quiet room and listen to someone chew their food, I want to kill them...and repeatedly do so in my head. 2. I hate when people wear the no show socks with long pants. Those socks are for shorts and skirts. Period. 3. I hate when people dressup and don't do it right. Things like not having a straight jerkin line, not wearing a belt, shoes not matching belt, white socks, tie not tied right. It is a pride issue...people need to take some pride in their appearance, especially when there are rules governing it. 4. I have 3 plants named Huey, Duey and Louie. I don't know which one is named which but collectively, that is their names. They are catnip, basil and cilantro. 5. I'm a HUGE sushi snob and I wish that I knew more of the customary ways to eat. I hate when I see stupid Americans using their chopsticks in stupid ways. I can understand being bad at them due to lack of practice, but not even holding them right to get that practice is unreasonable. I'll tag...Eddy, Krystal and...JennaFeef! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 7th, 2006
4:51 am	*tears* I just found a song that reminds me so much of someone I used to date... I thought I was all done with this girl. Ugh. This hurts. What a shitty day. My world just fell apart today. The whole reason I went through high school is because I was promised that college would be different. I found out today that things are the fucking same. Someone told me that I should just push myself and find something new to invest my time in. I don't understand why throwing time at problems, like throwing money at them, is always the answer people give. I would much prefer use my time effectively as it is. I'm ready to just flee Eugene. My heart isn't in it anymore. People here seem to be pussy liberals. They are liberal but don't want to step on anyone's toes with their liberalness. Get some balls. (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 20th, 2005
12:50 am	first time in a long time... Every girl I become interested in is interested in someone else... I think it is a sign I need to pay attention to. I'm on the brink of something big. This is what I needed. Good luck Krystal. Thank you. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 11th, 2005
11:24 pm	funny... The girl I love just answered her phone crying because the boy she loves is marrying someone else. How do you help someone whos heart is breaking when your heart is breaking on it's own? I'm gonna go cry myself to sleep...hopefully I make it to tomorrow... david (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 6th, 2005
8:35 pm	self destructive... I recently realized that I'm self destructive... I seem to purposefully sabotage everything good in my life. I don't know why I do it, but I do. Then I end up wanting to take it back, but most of the things can't be taken back. I miss psc... If I just disappeared, how long would it take for people to notice? (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 6th, 2005
11:44 am	ugh... i flip out really easily... *note to self* - work on it (Comment on this)
Monday, September 5th, 2005
12:32 am	promises... If you ever make a promise to me, don't ever fucking break it. When I promise something, I mean it and I will do everything in my power to keep it. I expect the exact same from others. Today is shitty. Worst day of my trip easy. I wait all day to see Krystal, then get canceled on because of God knows why. I have a fucking headache, I'm starving and I'm bored out of my mind. On top of it all, Max is going to be sleeping in the same room as me since I didn't think I would even fucking be here. I was really wanting to stay in PSC for quite a bit longer...I'm starting to want to leave. david (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, August 18th, 2005
12:50 am	forget it... Love and hate are the two faces of the same coin. I love...then I hate. One strong feeling seems to bring the other when the coin is tossed. The coin just got tossed...wonder how it will land. david (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 17th, 2005
8:36 pm	... FUCK IT! I'm tired of being the 'other guy'... (Comment on this)
Friday, August 12th, 2005
11:44 pm	there is beauty in the breakdown... I feel really horrible and really great at the same time. A huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I finally got the truth out of Krystal and it was the most beautiful thing ever. Not really what she said, but just the truth. I LOVE IT! I'm sure it was so hard for her to say it, but once she did, things were amazing. I still like the girl and want to be with her oh so much. At least I know what is going on now. I don't have too long until I see her and I feel like we have more than ever to talk about. She won't date me right now, but...eh, fuck it. I don't really know how to put it all down in words and half of the words are hers, which I don't feel right laying out for the eyes of others... Just know that truth is beauty...absolute beauty... Sorry my charolastras, I do feel that truth can be attained, though perhaps only for short periods of time. david Current Mood: relieved Current Music: frou frou - let go (Comment on this)
4:06 am	entry one... "Why don't you ever write on your journal?" -Krystal Honestly, I have trouble with this site and I write on myspace but, I have a hard time writing on myspace sometimes since there are people on my friends list that I knew from HS and I dont really want them to read my personal thoughts. Maybe I will finally write on here, though this might as well just be an email to Jaymie, Eddy and Krystal since I don't really have any other friends on here. My name is David and I'm 18. I'm transferring to U of O for this fall semester, studying International Business and I'm learning Spanish and French. I'm in the process of changing myself a ton and I'm really happy with what the results seem to be. I'm becoming a person that cares about the feelings of other and removing so much of my narcissism. A few months ago, you could look at the definition of narcissism and it defined me. Seriously, I tried it and EVERY little detail it put in was completely me. I decided I wasn't happy with it and where it was taking me so I decided to change. I decided this many times, yet actually took action this time, instead of saying I would. Why? My biggest catalyst is an amazing girl I met in Prescott...Krystal. She isn't WHY I changed, she just really made me take a look at myself. I'm changing FOR MYSELF because the way I was didn't make me happy. Funny thing is, now that I'm doing a lot better and a lot happier with myself, she doesn't want to be with me anymore. I'm not sure if this is just because of the distance thing and she doesn't want to get hurt, or if she just genuinely doesn't have feelings for me anymore. Either way, it doesn't much matter. I really feel that if it is meant to be, then it will be. Just not knowing that little bit drives me insane though. Not insane, but I really like to know EVERYTHING. I have a constant thirst for knowledge and sometimes it really gets in my way since I'm often curious about things that normal people aren't curious about. I'm trying a lot of new things. I've had a pretty open life and I always thought I was open to new things. Turns out, there was so much I was missing out on, so now I'm attempting to really eat it all up. I've decided I'm going to go to Europe for spring break. Tickets aren't expensive enough that I can put it off any longer. Now, the only decision I have is where I will be going. I have an intense focus on topics when I need to but normally, my mind moves too quickly, conquering many topics at once leaving my fingers desperate to keep up. I had a great night. Saw my friend dubba for quite a while and had some great convos. He IS moving to SF at the end of September so I don't have much time left to see him. so let go...jump in...it's alright...cause there's beauty in the breakdown... I really missed our conversations. Thanks for answering tonight...I needed it. Hope I get to see you on Saturday. :) david Current Music: frou frou - let go (1 Comment |Comment on this)